Conquering Negative Emotions

Does being intelligent make you highly susceptible to psychological and physiological depression? This was a statement I read in a recent article by Sciencedirect.com. According to the article, a study was conducted by the American Mensa Society(no less)  that those who scored highly or one of the top in the intelligence tests were examined and found to have the prevalence of several disorders compared to the general population.

While I am definitely not saying that happy, gracious people are not capable of being depressed or having some form of disorder, I am wondering how we can change this perspective that we must be feeling negatively nearly all the time. Deep within our brain there is an almond shaped set of neurons that play a key role in the processing of our emotions. The amygdala is one of the parts of our body that is fully developed the moment a baby is born. Once used to signal us of the dangers around us, it now serves the role of providing us opportunities to show or feel emotions for a different purpose. However, Pain is still Pain no matter how you view it.

During my early 20s and 30s, it was a horrendous challenge to be positive. Didn’t sleep till late as I could not stand to think of what was my life coming to. I was married to the woman I loved (Still am) and had just started a family. Yet, I had this debilitating idea that I was a fraud pretending to be happy. Even though I was successfully managing my working life, my inner child was still hurt and raw from the abuses I received as a child. I knew I was pretending.

Over time, as I transcended into the world of a public speaking through training, I learnt to visualise my feelings as something malleable and trained my mind to be positive. While it is definitely not full proof, it has helped me to exorcise some of the demons of my past.  Here are my top five daily must-dos to keeping positive.

1.    Start and end the day with positive affirmations.

Let the spirit of positive affirmations, start your day. Talk to yourself in the mirror, even if you feel silly, with statements like, “Today will be a good day” or “I’m going to be awesome today.” You’ll be amazed how much your day improves. Use it as a positive mantra for the rest of your day. Over time, you will even streamline your thoughts and emotions.

2.    Use humor to transform the negative to the positive.

The one thing that kept me sane during my depressive bouts was the ability to laugh at myself. While not everyone can handle self-deprecation, I used it to make light of not just the situations but myself as well. When I was about to have my last child, I was going through a very bad place. Having left my job to start a business, not being sure if there was enough money to survive. I was at my lowest.  During that time, I allowed myself to experience humor in even the darkest or most trying situations.

3.    Mindfulness

While this may soon become an overused cliché, being present in the moment is a big deal. Most of us have lots of emotional baggage that we can trundle along whenever the mood arises. Being laden with the luggage can act as a tremendous strain on our well-being.  However, when we take the perspective of allowing the emotions to run through on their own and we just observe without expectation, clarity occurs. It’s like being in the ‘zone’ for sports players. You just live in the moment and nothing else comes in.

4.    Transforming the negative to the positive

I am a conundrum of negativity when the mood gives. It does not take much for me to get laden with pain. I am normally the first person to admit that I am so bad at things. Yet when we use transformative vocabulary, it really does make a difference! I used to get single digits for Math in Secondary School. It was scary as I really did not get the concepts. I always told my friends that I was terrible in maths and I believed it too. Yet in my 4^th year, I made a decision that I would tell myself, “ I am going to practice till I get it and destroy this blooming pain” With the attitude change and constant self- affirmation, my ungraded F9 become a magnificent  A2. All because I stopped talking about how bad I was to declaring  How I was going to whoop its a$$.

5.    Surrounding yourself with positive and encouraging people

I made a decision a few years ago that I would surround myself with mentors and encouraging people. Amazingly enough, I found it at my local Toastmasters Club. Having a sea of positivity and encouragement works wonders for the soul. Which is why every parenting module will tell you that children need an enriching environment. Once you start searching, you would realise that there are more than we can count.

These 5 tenets are crucial to my well-being. I believe they will help you too. Stay blessed.

Never give up. Stay positive. Be happy.

Why we need to start speaking up

3 steps to why we need to speak up.

Choosing to be silent when you do not appreciate what is being said may seem like a good idea but more often than not, the art of silence implicitly means that you agree with what was said. Silence is just as powerful as talking. Whenever you are involved in a situation, people are aware of all the input and lack of it. When you disapprove and don't say anything, it will not make you seem easy going. Doing nothing and allowing it to happen is just as enabling as wholeheartedly agreeing on a topic.  People rarely thank you for withholding information. So speak up and let your opinion be heard.

1. Speaking up for the greater good.  Most people are good-hearted by nature.  Many stay silent because they don't want to harm, offend or criticise others. But when a person seems severely misguided or heading down a treacherous path, it's selfish to put our own need to be comfortable above the needs of the others. Worse, by staying silent, you may be harming the very people you hope to help. The worst case scenario if you speak up is that someone may disagree, but at least the issue is out and an active decision can be made. The best case scenario is that everyone benefits and recognises you to be someone to be 2. Demonstrate you are invested. Why were you invited to the conversation in the first place?  You were probably recognised as someone who can make a difference in your area of expertise. Someone invited you into the dynamic. If you truly don't have an opinion, then find a better use of your time. However, if you are there for a reason you need to show your commitment to the process and the people involved by being active and vocal. Speaking up is an important form in integrity and honesty. Honesty  builds trust, especially combined with tact and empathy. While the 3 may seem mutually exclusive, together they are a potent combination and a welcome to any conversation. By demonstrating your opinions vocally,people will recognize your independent thought and sense of empathy. You will never lack for trusting friends and followers.

3. No one else may see your perspective. You can't assume the obvious is obvious. Your experience and knowledge has value in a given situation. No one else has your unique perspective. That doesn't mean that everything in your brain is worth sharing, but with a little discretion and thought, you should be able to bring value in most situations.  Also, people don't automatically recognize your skills, values, ambitions, and desires when you are quiet. If you wait around for people to notice or read your mind, you will likely end up on many paths that are not of your own choosing. You may end up with projects you don't want, missing promotions you do, or accepting tasks you don't have time or ability to complete. Recognise that yo are unique with your own independent thought and share to add value.