Dear Employee

 
Dear employee,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Manager. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can get.






To all my friends, have a great Dilbert Weekend!

A week in a lifetime

 
Well, this has been an interesting week to say the least. It is coming to the end of the week. The rain has been making guest appearances whenever I am on my way home and I have finally understood what it means to be humbled by God's natural occurrences.

On my way home yesterday, I was blessed to see a double rainbow if i could call it that. This happened after the downpour that threatened to flood the Bishan MRT tunnel. It was a damn waste that I did not have my camera with me and my phone's batt was flat too!

Funny how it is. When you least expect it, HE decides to bask you in His glory and you don't have any evidence or anyone to share with at that moment. All we are left with is a sense of awe and gratitude that He is always with us.

All I can say is that at times when I feel that there is nothing worth feeling or seeing, HE comes and shows me otherwise.

Jack Neo - paragon of virtue!?

With uncle Jack being outed by all his alleged mistresses, I begin to wonder... why are only the 'femme fatales' being persecuted by the regular man in the street?

Is Jack so naive that he is easily let on by girls who are a half to a quarter his age? If his wife says its ok, then you can imagine the great family system they have. I do hope they get used to it when such things happen to their kids.

He is a grown up. He has made mistakes. What bothers me is that he is so 'bochup' about it. He preyed on young girls with the promise of making them into stars. If alleged accounts be true, then there was even a 16 year old girl whom he was after, again with the promise of making her a star.

If she had agreed, I wonder if this would constitute sexual grooming? I understand that 14 and below is considered rape regardless of consent. Would being 2 years older make it alright if she had agreed? While this is purely conjecture, I thank God that he is not an important public figure to me. I do NOT look to him to guide the moral values of my kids but I thank him for this situation because I can clearly explain to my children that every human makes mistakes, but if he makes that same mistake over and over again, we can look to Uncle Jack as to how we can pretend to be nonchalant.

Thanks Jack,
you made my job as a parent much easier.

United and Milan

What a way to end the day! United versus Milan. Honestly expecting United to cruise on this game. Simply because I really think its time for the entire Milan squad (except 3 perhaps?) to retire...

To defend against a robust team that rarely gives up is not easy. Milan may be experienced, but that definitely is not enough when challenging a near full strength United team.

I do hope Golden Balls gets a good reception from the fans. He deserves it. With his stylish tattoos and hip wife and his one trick that he's very good at(i.e. deadballs), he at least seems to be a genuine nice bloke in this day and age of spoilt football stars.

So here is my money on United to win by 2 goals.

Lessons from a 6 year old.

A couple of months ago, I was in the car with my family, happily enjoying the ride (my wife is the designated driver). My younger boy, Shakthi suddenly started screaming, "look! look! AEROPLANE!!" My elder boy Adithya and myself looked up quickly. Thanks to me being in front at the time, I was able to see it. My beloved son alas was not able to.

"Where? Where is it?" he queried, eagerly looking everywhere. Well, by that time the plane was obviously long gone.

"Hey Adi, tooooo late!" I told him abit too condescendingly. Being 6, he was quite miffed about it. But after sometime, we forgot all about it and continued our journey.

A good ten minutes later, "Look! Look! another aeroplane!" This time it was my dear Adi, who had spotted one. Trying to make amends for my condescending tone earlier, I asked, "Where? Where?"


a quiet reply came from the back....."Tooooo Late!"

The Most astute manager in the world.

Arsene Wenger has finally found the number 1 problem as to why his team finds it difficult to perform... THE FANS! Great one Wenger. With you starting a winning streak, nothings gets better than to tell your fans to top celebrating.

This man has totally lost the plot! Next thing you know, he is going to start a campaign to play his games in neutral stadiums. That would be fun.

For a guy who has managed to deflect and shift blame from his players whenever a controversy pops up, he must have gone into auto mode when he heard the shouts (of joy) of the fans.

Wake up Wenger. There is a reason that this is the number 1 sport in the world. No fans = no status.

Old people too free? BAH HUMBUG!

I went to Changi Aloha Resort a couple of weeks ago to celebrate my cousin's 21st birthday. To commemorate the occasion (ahem) My family and I decided to book 2 rooms for us at the Changi Village hotel.

The day after the party, My parents, wife, kids and I went for a walk to the nearby food centre. What a surprise it was to see that there was a festival of some sort going on. Upon investigation, we found that the Grassroots club (RC?) had organised an enviromental awareness day for the general residents.

I must say, I have never enjoyed myself in such a long while. The games for the children, the magic show and of course what I considered the highlight was the stars of the show. Many of the organising committee were there and it was endearing to see that nearly everyone was a senior citizen. There was so much joy in their eyes and smiles were aplenty as they connected with the residents.

I thoroughly enjoyed the dance performance put up by the committee. They put people half their age to shame! Who said that the younger generation have to look after the seniors? They can still teach us a thing or two by the looks of it. I honestly believe they know what it takes to be a useful member of society. I wish I can be that active when I become a senior citizen.

Kudos to the committee for making a passerby stop what he was doing and getting him to feel part of the Changi community.